Oh

I am overwhelmed by this suffocating fear.
It permeates everything and transcends everything.

I have caused this in you. I see that now.
I have loved you too much.
I never let you fully leave the womb.
I have trapped you and tainted you.

I am sick to my soul with despair.
Your bony bones are breaking my heart.

There is so much further to go and I feel like a frightened child.
I want to just run away and come back when
someone else has fixed you.

I see the tangle of hate and terror and guilt and rage
in your every glance, all mixed up like a sick potion.

This is somehow my punishment for my glee at having you.
So cherished and blindly adored.
All I live for and the burden got too much for you.
I see that now. I am sick with sorrow.

Forgive me.